Winning Deal

So recently my family has gotten really into solitaire. Mostly my parents; they may or may not call dibs on who gets to play on my Mom’s Kindle Fire. Most often my little brother and I will hover over their shoulders and obnoxiously tell them where to place the appropriate card. While doing this obnoxious hovering, I observed my mom start a new game. It gives you the option of “Random Deal” or “Winning Deal” and my mom, flustered, clicked on the winning deal so she could go to bed on a happy note.

I thought about this for a while. I kept thinking that clicking on the Winning Deal was pretty much the same as cheating. Who wants to play a game where they are handed a win? I don’t know why, but this really and truly bugged me for a long time; however, as things usually do in my mind (thank you literary analysis) seemingly small and insignificant instances seem to take on a bigger meaning. And so this bigger meaning blossomed in my head.

We are all given a winning deal in life. Heavenly Father clicked on that first and foremost. In fact, with Heavenly Father there is no “Random Deal” there are only Winning Deals. Now, this might not seem like the case. Even when clicking on a winning deal you still get stuck. Sometimes you get stuck to the point where you think you absolutely couldn’t win with the hand that you were dealt. When it comes to Heavenly Father, though, you are always dealt a winning deal. I think we fail to see that though because we get stuck. All you need is that freaking 6 of Hearts and it would be smooth sailing, right? You’d win and you’d feel great because it was just like bing bang boom. But, instead you have to rearrange a whole bunch of other cards just to get it to work, but it works nonetheless. So the point of my rambling, and my overuse of commas is this: we have been dealt a winning hand. Even if we can’t see it. Even if the game would be so much easier if that 6 of Hearts wasn’t the last card that we pull. Heavenly Father knows what cards we need, and in the end we have a winning hand. I guess that’s comforting, and not at all cheating. Why not play the game if you know you’re going to win?

Twenty-Two

So I just changed the little blurb about me on here from "twenty-one year old girl" to "twenty-two year old girl." That was weird. I was really looking forward to that, but somehow it was just odd. Everyone has asked me who it feels to be twenty-two, and all I can think is that it's way different than turning twenty-one. Twenty-two seems so much more legit, like there's no turning back: You are getting old! It might be that thought combined with the fact that I am going to student teach in the Fall and graduate college in December, which are both pretty grown up things, right? So twenty-two freaks me out. Or maybe grown-up things freak me out. Needless to say I'm kind of freaked out. Woot for growing up?

Enjoyment Deferred

For a while now I have just thought that I have been in a point in life where I would simply have to accept the fact that, for a moment, enjoyment was being deferred. I figured that I would have to enjoy life when this period was over. It's been this way for longer than I am willing to admit; however, I think this mind-set has come to and end. Don't get me wrong, I have had great enjoyment in the past year and a half. So many great things have happened, but I've just felt like I've been in a rut. Happiness has eluded me, at least lasting happiness.

I am happy to say that I think this rut has ended. The last week my face has hurt from how much I've laughed and smiled, I've met lots of new people, explored forgotten joys, and continued new ones. I think I am scared and excited for this :) Stay tuned for the happier adventures of my life of enjoyment.

Paisley Sue Noelle

This is the newest member of my family. Paisley Sue Noelle Crookston was born December 30, 2011 at 1:09 PM at the Riverton Hospital. She weighed in at 7 lbs 4 ounces and was 19.75 inches long. This little miracle has been greatly anticipated as the third niece/granddaughter and much anticipated sister. I was privileged enough to be able to spend an exceptional amount of time with this beautiful little girl (my mom, aka the grandma, would say that I got more than my fair share, but I'm ok with that). I loved begin able to simple hold this tiny piece of heaven and watch. Something that I have learned from this little one is that children really are precious. They are so pure and innocent, I think they even smell like heaven, but that's just my own opinion haha. Anyway I thought I would brag a little about how cute my family is :)

That's NOT Fair

This past week I have seen a lot of my niece and nephews. I love these kids. In the course of my time spent with them I have come to learn a lot about things needing to be fair. Like for instance it's not fair that Logan didn't go to school (even though the poor kid spent most of the time in the bathroom. I think he would have preferred school). It's also not fair for someone to get more or less than they deserve. This is usually quantified by ages. For instance Logan needs five of everything, lets say cookies, because he is five and that is fair. I can usually counter this argument by saying "Well, I'm 21 Log. Do I need 21 cookies because I'm 21? That would be all of the cookies!" I don't think this really does any good, cause the kids just say that it doesn't count because I'm old, but regardless I have learned something from these small cries of "That's NOT fair."

In my Multicultural Diversity in the Classroom course I learned a pretty good definition of what fair is. Fair means that everyone receives what they need, in the manner that they need it, at the appropriate time. This was given while speaking about students with special needs within the classroom and making a "considerable accommodations" for those students. I filed this piece of information away in my "This is something I'll use when I'm teaching, but for now won't think about it" part of the brain; however, I think it should be reexamined. I think this is a fairly accurate definition of what fair is for life. Heads up, gonna get a little churchy, but I think this is how Heavenly Father works. Now I'm not saying Heavenly Father is an angry God dangling us like spiders over the fire, saying "You'll get what is coming to you." Quite the opposite in fact.

Heavenly Father hears us loud and clear when we believe something in our life just isn't fair. It's not fair that my roommate is graduating and I still have one entire semester after that. It's not fair to have loved ones torn from their mortal existence. It's just not fair. He hears those, but He knows that everyone is getting what they need the most, in the manner that they can receive it the best, at the time they need it. We may not see it as fair, but Heavenly Father sees it as best. He knows everything.

I had an institute teacher once tell us that Heavenly Father did not send us to Earth hoping we would succeed in all that He sent before us. He sent us here having seen what we would do with those moments in life that we don't think are fair. He saw us succeed. Perhaps we just need to redefine fair.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Today I have felt like I needed to get things done. There has been a lot of stuff on my mind lately, and the number one way I have been coping with those things is to simply ignore them; but no longer.

Today I decided to research just a couple things so as to prevent my head from exploding.

Student Teaching Next Fall: What's the deal? I had no idea how to even go about it. Bless the internet for helping me figure out what I want to do with the last semester of my bachelors degree. Come to find out that if I want to go student teach somewhere outside of Utah, USU literally makes you pay out the nose. So that definitely narrowed things down a bit. I've got a couple school districts in mind and I'm happy about those that are there. Until today I literally haven't even let myself think about it. I'll say this much about my list- they're all in Utah. I simply can't fathom being able to pay to go outside of Utah. If I could I would show you in dollar amounts why this is so true.

Job for Next Summer: I want to work at another Ropes Course, but sadly enough I think I am ready to be out of Logan, Ut. I have been researching other ropes courses in the surrounding areas. There are a few that have caught my attention and once again I am happy that they are in my head and that I looked into them.

Now neither of these really need to be addressed for a couple more months, but it was good to look into them, or even simply to think about it instead of ignoring them completely. This is me getting up and doing things, snaps for Megan.

Reward Theory of Attraction

We tend to like a person whose behavior provides us with maximum reward at minimum cost.

I found this in my Social Psychology book. Lame? I thought so too. Maybe people should work for reciprocation (which is defined as a mutual giving and receiving) instead of looking for the most while giving the bare minimum. Sometimes psychology makes me think people are the worst.

The Giver

Today I re-read this book. I love it. So much. Sadly enough I wasn't introduced to this book until my second year of college when one of my professors began cleaning out her office and gave away various books. This is an incredibly good book. The main theme I've picked out of this book is the difference between "Ignorance is Bliss" and "Knowledge is Power."

My own personal beliefs strongly leave me thinking that knowledge is power, but the arguments of "the community" in the novel The Giver are compelling enough to make one believe that ignorance is bliss. That not knowing would be sublime. No pain, no suffering, neglect, sorrow any negative emotion would be ultimately eliminated in ignorance. With these eliminations of negative feelings you would also have nothing on the flipside. No true happiness, no elation, or warmth. No true love. There would be a seamlessness of the "Sameness."

I don't want to give the whole book away if you haven't read it, but it is beautiful, easy to read, and fairly short. This books encompasses attitudes about knowledge versus ignorance while tying it into humanity (sort of haha). Anyway, it is a good book. I'm determined to teach this one once I get there. This might be the beginnings of a lesson plan. I'm excited :)

I Write Lists...

Because I like crossing things off said list. However, on my blog I like to write lists for apparently no reason at all. So, here we go!

WHY is it that hindsight is 20/20? Why couldn't foresight be 20/20? I hate looking back at things and knowing exactly what I should have done. This has been bugging me a lot lately (and by "lately" I mean predominately for the past two years).

In relation to this, I wish I could know what was going to be discussed in my classes. Most of the time it's interesting and insightful in the majority of my classes, but today one of my class discussions revolved around violent video games and everything that that brings out argument-wise. Definitely a class I could have skipped (mostly because I've had that discussion ten billion times in various psychology classes).

I dislike writing a paper, re-writing said paper, revising paper, and repeating only to find myself staring at a paper that I positively hate and the only thing I can do about it is turn it in and hope for the best.

Today I bought a watch. I can't decide if I like it or not.

Working + School = Very Little time for anything except work and school. Who woulda thunk it? (Just as a side note- the word "thunk" does not have a red squiggly line underneath it... is that a real word? Or the right conjugation of the word "think?")

I just looked up the word "thunk," which is a word defined as an abrupt, dull sound. So yes and no. It is a word, however it is not the proper conjugation of the word "think"- the proper conjugation would in fact be "thought."

I feel like I had more to write about, but I can't remember (even with writing what I wanted to put on this blog post...) Oh well. I hope you enjoyed!

It's just like riding a bike

I like this phrase. For some things it's true, you just don't forget how to do them. Riding a bike is definitely one of them. However, I think the phrase "It's just like playing the piano" should also be a phrase, but it should be for things that are not easily remembered. I've found that going two plus years without a piano has really limited my piano playing abilities. I can't remember a lot of the theory and the actually execution for me has become nearly painful. Now, don't take this the wrong way, I was never proficient in playing the piano, but I could definitely hold my own. Sadly, I have tried my hand at the piano this summer and it hasn't gone over too well (I think my little brother is close to issuing a written plea for me to cease and desist).

That's why I think there should be the phrase "It's just like playing the piano" for things that are easily forgotten, or I suppose things that need to be constantly practiced.

I found myself relating this to the gospel. I think the gospel is just like playing the piano. It is easily forgotten without the hours of practice that parents may at first have forced us to complete. It's far too easy to forget how to pray without actually praying, or fall further from the scriptures without actually picking them up on a regular basis. This was just a tidbit that I had in my head.

The gospel is just like playing the piano. Who would think you'd have to practice and persist?

Fear

Ok, don't judge me, but I've recently finished reading the Fablehaven series... for the second time. Yes, your ten to twelve year old sibling is probably reading that too. Good for them, because it is an excellent book. So don't judge.

Anyway, an aspect of this book has been nagging at my brain for a while now and so I figured I'd get it out of my brain and onto the web. I guess it works out, sorta. In this series the main characters are nine year old Seth, and fourteen year old Kendra. They face random and fantastical challenges (which I will not give away at this time, just in case you decide you want a diversion from the everyday) but at one point Seth faces a demon which incapacitates him with a debilitating fear. Quite literally he can't move. When he finds the will to move, however each movement he makes takes a thousand times more energy to do than it normally would. This "magical fear" stops every character in their tracks- literally.

You might scoff and say "Psh, what a kids book Megan- magical fear that makes it so you can't move at all? Duh." But I couldn't help but make a connection. In all honesty I don't think anyone that reads this can say that they haven't felt something like this. Fear creeps into every aspect of life, even things that should be wonderful and exciting; you feel your stomach begin to sink and your heart races, and you can't move. You don't act.

I feel like everyone has something very similar to this fear. Sometimes it really does make one physically unable to move. For others it is the fear to move forward in the less literal sense. To make progress for better. Far too often we stay stagnant because of a debilitating fear that courses through the human body. I've been thinking about it and I no longer want fear to govern my actions. It has in the past, and I can recognize that it has created problems and made things more difficult. Today, however, I want nothing to do with this fear. If you still feel like this kids book is just for kids, I dare you to read it. The undercurrents of this book are amazing and tell a story all it's own. I want to diminish this fear. I figure if a fictional nine year old boy can overcome magical fear and progress forward into an unknown fate, so can I (probably with less demons though). I want to move forward with my life, with courage and purpose. So, that's just what has been on my mind. Continue to judge if you must, but I'm ok with reading kids books. More often than not it's simple things that teach us the most profound lessons, and I found one here.

The Tighter I Hold On....

The more it feels like everything slips out of my control. I've been home for two days and I don't know if I can handle it. I've applied for jobs (jobs that I was fairly certain I would get) and most of them have fallen through, so I've applied for more. And more. And now I feel like it's out of my hands.

In fact, I feel like nothing is in my control. Some people say that if you feel like you're in control, you're not driving fast enough. Right now I don't even feel like I'm driving at all. I don't even feel like I'm riding shot-gun. I've never felt like things are so utterly out of my hands, and you know what? I hate it. I'm not an enormous control freak, but I would like to be in control of a few things in my life, and at the moment I don't think I am.

One time I wrote that I felt like everything I had been planning and hoping for had been thrown out the window- not even all my planning, but I felt like I was flailing hopelessly out the window as well.

This is how I feel. Perfect.

Happiness

Of all the emotions I've had running through me in the past week, this one has seemed to be the most elusive.

I've felt sad over the fact that this is probably the last time I will live with one of my greatest friends ever. Miss Megan Fankhauser has not only shared my name, but my apartment for the past two years at USU and I have loved every minute of it. She moved out today, and even though our families live close together I can't help but think that it won't be the same. This makes me sad. I wish her the best in everything she does, and I know she will go and do amazing things, but it still makes me sad.

I've felt an unnerving sense that I don't know what's going to happen and that everything is about to change. I'm not certain of what I want to do in the upcoming year and I feel like everything is hanging precariously just waiting to fall. So I've felt uneasy as well.

I've felt nervous to turn in four papers. I'm fairly confident that they are well written (at least to the best of my abilities) but I couldn't help feel nervous for the outcome- that won't come for another week and a half. So this has made me nervous.

I've felt a lot of frustration. I currently don't have a summer job and everywhere seems to be a dead end.

I've felt ornery.

I've felt crabby, tired, obnoxious, anxious, angry, grateful, silly, and annoyed.

But happiness has seemed a little out of my grasp lately. And then today I read something that made me smile so much I almost cried. There truly are people in the world that work just to make people happy. They take time and effort to glean even the smallest smile for even the tiniest moment. To these people, I offer my heartfelt gratitude. Happiness seems so hard to come by these days, it's so much easier to feel any other dismal emotion. So, for everyone who strives to make someone else's day, for anyone that works to make others happy- Thank you. You set a beautiful example. Happiness may seem hard to come by on your own, but sharing it is probably one of the easiest things in the world. I hope I can share the happiness others have offered to me.

I don't know if I like Pop Tarts

If you're a Gilmore Girls junky like I am, you can relate. I feel like Lorelai.

Rory: Are you enjoying your breakfast?
Lorelai: I don't know if I like pop-tarts.
Rory: Did you fall on your head while you were sleeping?
Rory: So you fell on your head and now you have some kind of very specific amnesia is that it?
Lorelai: What if I don't wanna do what I wanna do because I wanna do it, but because they don't want me to?
Rory: Huh?
Lorelai: I mean what if I don't like what I like because I like it but because my mother doesn't like it. And doesn't want me to like it.

So my issue isn't really with Pop Tarts, but it's the same basic principle. I can't seem to figure out what I want, and I think the problem is that I don't know if the things I've done are because I've wanted to do them or if I've done them at someone's suggestion. What if I don't wanna do what I wanna do because I wanna do it, but because someone else wants me to? My version of Lorelai's question. I guess I'll figure it out sooner or later. In the mean time I hope this nagging stomach ache goes away.

Link to clip... Here!

Emotionally handicapped, physically ill, mentally unavailable.

Things I Need to Learn....

But never seem to quite get.

I need to learn how to live in the moment. Life is not about tomorrows, life is not about yesterdays, life is about today. To quote The Music Man: Pile up too many tomorrows and you'll find that you've collected nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays. I don't want empty yesterdays...

I need to learn to speak up. Most of the time I feel like I don't have a strong enough opinion to say anything, so I don't. My philosophy has been that the world already has thousands of loud, obnoxious opinionated people and I'd rather not be labeled as one, but more often than not I'm not heard at all. I'm sure there's a way to speak up and not be obnoxious.

I need to learn how to ask and accept help, especially when I'm stressed. People often offer assistance and I obstinately tell them no thank you, I can handle this myself. This isn't always the best answer.

I need to learn how to fight. Not literally, cause I'd rather not hit anyone anyway, but when it comes to situations that require a fight or flight instinct (and again I don't really mean physically fight). I'd really just rather run away all the time. I think this is another defense mechanism. Things are hard- run away! This should probably change.

I need to learn how to take one thing at a time. Like the song. Just take one step at a time, there's no need to rush. It's like learning to fly or falling in love (neither of which I know how to do anyway...)

I need to learn to smile even when I feel like kicking puppies. Not that I would kick puppies, but that was the first thing that came to mind. Let's rephrase this. I need to learn to smile even when I'm in a bad mood.

I need to learn to be more social. In my head I am content with what I have. I have friends, not tons, but I have a handful of friends that are very dear to me. More often than not I don't feel the urge or the need to meet new people. Maybe I have a social disorder or something (psychology would have everyone believe they have one disorder or another anyway so, why shouldn't this be mine?) but I never feel the need to introduce myself to everyone. Recently, however, I've made a few friends in a couple of my classes (which really, doesn't happen too often) and I think I should open up. More often than not people think I'm stuck up, and I've seen how others could see that to be true. I hope I'm not stuck up and I hope I can change that image.

Needless to say there are billions of things I still need to learn, but these are the ones I decided to showcase today. I guess I still have a lot of work ahead of me.

What's Your Major Again?

"English"

"Oh, what are you going to do with that?"

"Teach."

*Awkward or weird sound usually accompanied by "Good for you." or "Why?"

And here I am to answer this very question. Why do I want to teach? I've actually spent a ridiculous amount of time thinking about this question. In all reality, what does Shakespeare, Robert Browning, Robert Frost, Brock Dethier or any other writer and their writings have to do with life or how you live it? In my countless hours of thinking over this, agonizing really, I have split it up into two simple answers.

The history books we read are just a script for tomorrow. No I didn't come up with that, it's from a song by Cary Judd. We have to learn from the past, and what other way is there to learn from the past other than reading about it? And not just history. Fiction often portrays things that have happened, just giving it a different face. That seems like a fairly trite answer; "I want student's to learn from the past." But that's a big reason why for me.

The bigger reason, the biggest reason to me to teach is to perpetuate understanding. More importantly, to perpetuate understanding of people; their customs and deep rooted beliefs. In a nut shell (because I could literally go on forever about this, and in effect have gone on forever about this in many a poor notebook) I want to teach how to look out of another persons eyes. If I could help just one person understand one other person, I think it would be worth it. I don't even know exactly why, but understanding generates compassion, and I think I hold compassion in the highest esteem.

This might seem like a visionary or unrealistic way of looking at it, but I often wonder why people don't take a short time to try to understand someone else. I'm as guilty of this as any other person, and I strongly believe that learning to read, and to read well will help in perpetuating understanding. If one of my students could read something, and understand not only the surface meaning, but perhaps the meaning behind it as well then I would feel like I had done a job worth doing.

Reading is only the half of it. We also have to be able to portray our own point of view in an effective way. This way the circle of understanding would be complete. Now I know this is fairly unrealistic, but in my head it makes sense. How many misunderstandings and misinterpretations could be avoided if more people knew how to effectively get their point across and have other people understand where they are coming from.

So I guess I want to teach to perpetuate understanding, and hopefully generate compassion.

100 Reasons Why...

So this is my one hundredth blog post, woot for me! I'm a nerd that blogs instead of doing anything productive with life. So today I am writing the ultimate list.

100 Reasons Why Life is Pretty Ok ;)(in no particular order)

100. Eating Chicken Salad Sandwiches :)
99. Making Chicken Salad Sandwiches
98. Playing pirates and having my nephews say "AYE AYE CAPTAIN!" to everything I say.
97. Home.
96. Friends.
95. Roommates that decorate the apartment, keeping it festive and awesome.
94. Roommates period.
93. E-mails from Missionary Mindy, her love of life and service.
92. Birthday packages! Even if they're sent late...
91. The Office.
90. Sunshine.
89. The leaves, the color, the crunchy crispiness of each gold and red leaf.
88. Hiccuping, sometimes its fun. And for some reason it makes me think of babies.
87. Breakfast.
86. Lunch.
85. Dinner.
84. Eating.
83. The fact that my roommate buys ice cream and then insists that everyone eat some of it.
82. My niece, Jayna Nayna.
81. My nephew Logan, and how he can talk your ear off no matter what.
80. Lucas, how he laughs can make me smile anytime, anywhere, and has even made me cry cause I was so happy.
79. Jake and the fact that he finally remembers that I'm Aunt Megan, not Mindy.
78. Cohen and his amazing ability to light up the whole room with a smile, or just sticking out his tongue.
77. Flying to Texas.
76. The fact that it's going to be 37 degrees in Logan, Utah on Saturday and 82 degrees in Texas on the very same day.
75. A sink full of dirty dishes magically turning into cupboards full of clean dishes.
74. Chocolate + Popcorn + Gilmore Girls + Rainy Day.
73. Cary Judd and his mellow, let's take a nap kind of music.
72. A dad that texts me every morning counting down the days till I land in Texas.
71. A mom that wants to drive me to the airport instead of having me parking in the car park.
70. Sisters that cut and color my hair for free.99!
69. Friends that give you 30% off coupons at Old Navy.
68. Institute, even when you don't feel like going.
67. Prospects of being on a beach the day after tomorrow in chacos and a swim suit.
66. Getting homework done early.
65. Watching movies in classes.
64. Guest speakers in classes (that you're not going to be tested on).
63. Snow (except for driving in it...)
62. Things that are distracting enough that you can only think about that one thing, aka Texas.
61. Good music.
60. A new genre of music.
59. Jack Johnson.
58. Country music.
57. Coming home to hear Sallie in the bathroom, music blaring, and her singing along. As much as she thinks I think it's annoying, it's really endearing to me and I like it.
56. Friends that inquire about your physical, emotional, and spiritual well being without missing a beat.
55. Pell Grants!
54. iPods, even if you only have the old school shuffle that looks like a stick of gum.
53. A not broken phone that can send and receive picture messages.
52. Taking and sending a picture of a huge leaf blower on campus that looks like something straight out of a Dr. Suess book.
51. Dr. Suess, we should all read a little bit more of his books. The world would be a better place.
50. Speaking of good books, The Book of Mormon.
49. Which inevitably leads me to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and its truthfulness.
48. The fact that whether you think you can or you think you can't you're right.
47. The movie UP! If you have not seen this movie, you must go rent it. Now.
46. "I hid under your porch because I love you" and various other one liners from the aforementioned movie. "SQUIRREL!"
45. Being six years old makes many situations much better.
44. Awkwardness. If you lack it, you can come borrow some of mine. I've got it in Reams, Leagues, Miles, Yards... needless to say I've got an abundance of awkward.
43. Conversations about my awkwardness. Not how to cure it or anything, just how it pervades into everyone's life that I come into contact with.
42. "Seinfeld" conversations.
41. Seinfeld period.
40. Christian Dallen Irie Carnley and his love of Seinfeld.
39. Missionaries in general.
38. Texas, which I may have already mentioned...
37. English Professors. I have yet to go to a class where they either act something out or choose some sort of outrageous voice to portray a character better. It's like going to improve three times a week.
36. Working on this list for about a month and finally deciding to finish it today.
35. Sleep. Sometimes you just need to go to bed.
34. The last couple days I've had an overdose of caffeine and I can't decide if I like it or not, but it can go on the list. Caffeine.
33. youtube, pandora, facebook, blogspot, and other various deviants from homework.
32. Memories, the roses in the December of our lives.
31. Getting slightly sick from popcorn slathered in chocolate.
30. Space heaters.
29. Blankets.
28. Pillows.
27. Pink shorts to wear in Texas!
26. Accomplishing goals (such as this blogpost).
25. Disk chairs, they're very comfortable.
24. Pictures! Looking at them or taking them.
23. Showers, especially after you've worn a hat all day.
22. Sweats and hoodies.
21. Socks!
20. Not being an engineer.
19. Dinner group. Meeting new people, practicing making food, and sometimes failing at making food.
18. Learning. Whether that's from school, or life, learning is good. Even if it might be forced upon you.
17. Having the conviction to want to have a life of adventure, again referencing Up. So really, you need to see this movie.
16. Chapstick.
15. Lotion.
14. Somewhere Only We Know by Keane.
13. Eating ham and cheese for lunch for about a week.
12. Pretending to do homework, while actually writing a blog. You get less dirty looks in the library if you're typing furiously and not on facebook.
11. Being a girl, which means sappy songs, chocolate, naps, tears, and confusion.
10. Basically anything sappy.
9. New music, instead of the twelve cd's in my car that I've listened to ten thousand times over hundreds of miles.
8. Having a computer, I like it.
7. Coming up with reasons why today is pretty ok is a good way to take a positive outlook on life.
6. Eating chocolate is also a good way to take a positive outlook on everything else.
5. Piano music, no matter what it gets me and I love it.
4. Singing, I should probably do that more often, but when I do I love it.
3. Having bus buddies to ride the bus with in the morning. It makes the bus even more enjoyable- because I already love the bus.
2. The cute pictures all over my apartment.
1. There should be something great here for number one, something that says it all in a nutshell... I got nothing. But today is a good day and I suppose I can attribute that to life. Woot for life!

I did not know them

... And yet I loved them.

I've been meaning to write about my trip to Jackson for the past several days and just barely got around to it- it's been a busy week (also a week that has finally started to pick up its pace to normal time). Anyway my weekend in Jackson was great, I made some money, got to play with old friends, and spent some time enjoying the beauty that is Wyoming. My favorite part, however, had to be Sunday.

On Sunday Allison and I both worked a shift from 1-10 so we decided it would be good to attend the visitors ward to take the sacrament and not feel like complete "heathens" -as Allison would put it. So we went to the chapel- after getting the time wrong, going home then coming back, we took our seats in the back of the chapel. They meeting went on as all meetings do, a song, a prayer and then another song. I sat there and thought about who was going to bless and pass the sacrament when I realized that six men had volunteered. Two blessed the bread and water, and four passed them as well.

I sat there astounded by my own feelings. I loved these six men. I couldn't comprehend, I had no idea who these six men were they're stories they're background, but love was the only word I could come up with for them. I loved them for the service that they were performing, and for their worthiness to do so. At this moment I understood to a very slight degree our Heavenly Father's boundless charity- the pure love of Christ. I'm positive I've experienced the feeling of charity before, but I'd never quite understood it as well as I did in that twenty minute interval as these six men humbly blessed and passed the sacred sacrament.

As the meeting continued, three of the six men that passed the sacrament went up to bear a solemn testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. As these three men stood up to bear this testimony my love for them grew. I couldn't tell you any of these brethren's names, but the spirit they bore continued to teach me of that boundless charity.

Needless to say it was an excellent meeting. Oh and one gem that I gleaned from one of their testimonies was this: "That's what the church is all about; Mothers and honeymoons and children. Happiness and joy." Just thought I'd throw that one out there, it made me smile.

The Meaning and the Reason

There have been a few select questions on my mind lately, most of which I won't divulge here, but one in particular that I will.

Saturday was my 19th birthday, and it was a day full of family and friends. I had the opportunity to attend the Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house, which I was very happy about seeing as it was the last day to do so.

I went with two of my best friends and literally hundreds of others. As we walked through towards the first flight of stairs my mind went to one of those questions. What is eternity? This question has been itching my brain for a while, and I've spent many an hour puzzling over this (usually while I'm at work and should be doing something productive). But this question came to me and I looked towards the myriad of people and a little girl cried out, and it echoed through the entrance. This drew me out of my reverie only to take a better look at the entire room filled to capacity with people from every walk of life, but what caught my attention most were the children.

And it clicked.

There was eternity. With each child born there comes the hope of moving forward. It seemed to me that there was an abundance of small children populating that particular session of the open house, and every one look more precious that any one thing the world could hold. There was eternity.

The realization of what eternity means to me (because by no means is this any sort of text book definition, just the ramblings of a teenager) was reaffirmed later that night.

My grandmother celebrated her 81st birthday in June and she came by to wish one of her dozen or so granddaughters a happy birthday. As she sat and visited with me and my family, she told us about the surprise visit she received from her oldest son (my dad's brother). she told us that each one of his children brought their own little family and how they had ten small children running around their yard. She laughed and said she couldn't quite believe it- Ten great grandchildren, and that was just from one of her three sons, not even to mention her two daughters, and it hit me again. There was eternity. It shone in the hope of a young child, and in the love of this beautifully aged woman.

So I guess eternity to me is family, and never seeing the end of that family. To me eternity is the young and the old and the journey it takes to get there.

The meaning is family, and the reason is Christ.

Needless to say I cannot wait until I have ten great grandchildren from just one child, therein lies eternity for me.