The more it feels like everything slips out of my control. I've been home for two days and I don't know if I can handle it. I've applied for jobs (jobs that I was fairly certain I would get) and most of them have fallen through, so I've applied for more. And more. And now I feel like it's out of my hands.
In fact, I feel like nothing is in my control. Some people say that if you feel like you're in control, you're not driving fast enough. Right now I don't even feel like I'm driving at all. I don't even feel like I'm riding shot-gun. I've never felt like things are so utterly out of my hands, and you know what? I hate it. I'm not an enormous control freak, but I would like to be in control of a few things in my life, and at the moment I don't think I am.
One time I wrote that I felt like everything I had been planning and hoping for had been thrown out the window- not even all my planning, but I felt like I was flailing hopelessly out the window as well.
This is how I feel. Perfect.
Those Who Wander
12 years ago
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