Empty. Just Like My Gas Tank

Recently I feel like I have been running low on things much faster than I usually would. The first and most expensive being gas. Instead of filling up whenever I go home (which was like once a month), I now find myself purchasing a tank of gas a week. I've also been running low on groceries and find myself at the store at least three times a week. To go along with this I think I'm always starving, but I'm fairly certain I'm gaining weight. Lovely. So I've compiled a list of things I am running low on.

Gas

Food

Patience. I feel bad for 6th hour, because by that point I just want to yell at them. Really it's no their fault at all.

Energy. Along with patience I am lacking energy. 5th hour probably suffers the most from this because it's right after lunch. Those kids get a nearly comatose teacher.

Sleep. Even though I have now started going to be earlier and earlier, I am still perpetually tired. I went to bed around 9:15 last night (Saturday night in case you were wondering) and didn't even feel bad about it; although, I might have felt like a little bit of a loser.

Food goes on here twice

Toothpaste. Maybe I'm brushing my teeth more because I am acutely aware of how often I am speaking to people.

Voice. I'm running low on voice cause talking all the time does that. I don't expect it will last through the rest of the week. Talking non-stop is not my favorite thing to do.

Socks. I don't have enough of the little hide-y socks to wear with dress shoes.

Social life. Don't get me wrong, I didn't have much of this to begin with. I am happy that my roommate is content to watch a movie with me while I grade mounds of papers and she does homework. Thanks Brooke, I'm glad we can be friends when I'm actually awake and we're in the same room.

Emotional capacity. I think this is running low because I am being pulled so many different directions within the day. Each student loves when I stop and give them my undivided attention. However, this becomes and impossibility when you times that by 35 students per class, and four classes a day. By the end of the day I feel stretched thin and emotionally this is a hard thing I think.

I think that's all that I thought of to put on this list. Now to complete my lesson plan for tomorrow. Yes I am only one day ahead of my students. Hopefully they don't realize this...

Things I've learned from Student Teaching: A Series of Comments

So the first week of actually being in front of my classes went well. On Tuesday I attended a seminar class that will count for two credits this semester. From what I gather it's mostly a support group for student teaching. At the end the teacher shared some sound advice. She told us to write this phrase on our mirror so we could see it daily: "Just keep telling yourself that you will pass student teaching and you will probably get a job. So relax." This sounds great, right? It should be reassuring, however, my scumbag brain decided to follow that statement with this from The Hunger Games: "Embrace the probability of your imminent death, and know in your heart that there's nothing I can do to save you." Thanks Haymitch for turning an inspirational quote into feelings of imminent death.

I will say that even though after my first day I really did feel like I was going to die (mostly because I was just completely physically drained) I have enjoyed my classes. Some of these kids really do just want you to get to know them, and once you do that they will try their hardest to learn from you. So far I think it's great. It really is true though, no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

On Student Teaching

I just finished reading over a hundred ninth grade introductory essays and at the end I couldn't help but think, what was the point? Then I was reading over old blog posts and found this: "... at the end of all those 'ands' and 'buts' there's a piece of hidden treasure where the child tells us something that we never knew about him up to now. And good teachers use that piece of hidden treasure as a key to unlock motivation and to bring the child back into the classroom work..." -Jonathan Kozol.

Yeah, I still want to be a teacher. Even though it took me over five hours to read all of these student's papers, and by the end my eyes were ready to fall out of my head it was worth it. I want these students to become whatever it is they want to become, because I think they really can become whatever they want to become. And really that's all I've thought about so far. That's mostly because I have only observed so far in this class. Tuesday's the day I actually get up in front of them. For an hour. Four different times. Please bless that they don't tear me apart.