Just Cause

So right now I just feel like writing. I don't know what about in particular, but I just want to. Maybe I can start off with how my week went and then I can get my thoughts in order (I highly doubt that will really happen... but thats ok I guess). This week has been interesting. Have you ever had so many different feelings all at once that you just don't know what to do with any of them? Well I surely have for the past couple days. I have felt overwhelming compassion, frustration, that butterfly feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, drowsiness, freezing, love, sadness, nostalgia, anger, more compassion, longing, empathy, sympathy, confusion along with more frustration, that feeling you get when you know you caused someone else pain, more compassion, a little more anger, and even hate. From that sentence you can see that this has been quite the week and I'm not sure what to make of it. I'm not expecting anyone else to make anything of it either, but I think writing all of these emotions down help me pick out the ones I want to think about. The majority of my brain has been occupied by that butterfly feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. I have also recently decided that college is exactly like middle school, no matter what anyone else tells you. College is basically the same as middle school. If you ask me in person why I think that, I might explain it to you, operative word being might. After that emotion next in line would have to be longing, but I don't know if thats the right word. This emotion comes because I just miss my papa, he is currently in Texas on business and I finally talked to him yesterday and realized how much I miss him and how long its been since I've seen him- like six weeks. Now I know that to most people this information holds little to no value to their life; however, while experiencing all of these emotions I have been able to figure a few things out (things that I've been told a million times of course, but never listened to). Keeping your room clean is a pretty important thing. It keeps you sane. Yes, I sound like a mother I know, but its really true. Next is that having good friends and a support system is pretty vital as well. These two things will make you happy (which is my goal for college). So far the recipe for happiness is long and somewhat confusing for me. You think one thing is going to make you happy but eventually it just causes frustration. Sigh... too much gushing on my part. And this is the end of my writing just cause.

Sleep deprivation equals increased poetic ablities? Or stupidity, one of the two.

So... This past weekend/ the beginning of this week has been one of an extreme plummit of sleep for myself. Its been an interesting experience. At the same time as being unbelievably uncoordinated and thinking the stupidest things of my life, I haven't ever written down so many things that I think to be poetic. I don't think I'll share most of those with you, but still, it has greatly surprised me. I've come to the conclusion that if I'm ever in need of poetic stimuli I will just not sleep for a couple days and then see what comes. I feel like I should just write down a couple of the quotes derived from this week of sleep deprivation.

"This paper is amazing, how did you write it so well?" "I just didnt sleep for five days."

"I can't remember that girls name. Or if she has a name... What?? Everyone has a brain!"

"The grave place..."

Those are the only onesI can remember right now. I'm one hundred percent sure there are more. I just thought I would share a bit of my sillyness, thats always fun isn't it? Haha, the answer is yes.

Boredom...

Ok so I realize that this is my third post in one day, but I am extremely bored. So with my boredom I was reading over a paper I wrote for my Creative Arts class. This post is mostly for Kirena Allen, who would know what I am talking about for the majority of the paper. I hope it can express how much I disliked this particular performance.

Please stay in East Village Monsieur Opera Company
If I were to write strictly upon how the music made me feel this paper would be pleasant from start to finish; however, I was not only compelled to listen to this interesting music, but I was forced to witness the performance of the two lead singers. Both AnnMarie Milazzo and Tyley Ross are amazingly talented singers, I have taken choir classes long enough to recognize the fact that they can sing in an operatic style. I was grateful for the sound quality, but it was not enough to make up for the awkward and somewhat unsophisticated way in which they actually presented the songs. I can attribute this more towards the female vocalist than to Mr. Ross. The way she dance was like sandpaper to my eyes, I could not look at her for the majority of her songs. This aspect detracted greatly from experiencing the fullness of the music.
To focus more directly on the music I can begin by saying that it was enjoyable. I use such a light and un-attached word because that’s how it made me feel. Many of the songs did not portray the zeal and exhilaration that a real opera would depict. They tried very hard to keep the passion with the songs, but in the attempt I believe they failed miserably. There was one song that touched upon this infatuation for the music, and it was the piece derived from Rigaletto. During this number, as I stared at my shoes, I could hear in the music that longing and love that seemed to be missing throughout the rest of the performance. The other songs were seriously inhibited by the choice of movements by either of the lead singers. I was thrilled to see them at times step down and witness the violin perform with such grace and eloquence in comparison to the fairly crass and harsh movements of Ms. Milazzo.
In conclusion I would have to say that it was a relatively enjoyable and a nice performance. I cannot say that the music moved me in any way. I will say the actual performing part moved me to the exit faster than usual, but the music for me was nothing particularly special or pleasurable. I did enjoy a select few of their pieces and felt that they do try to make it the similar to an actual opera, but in their attempt to ‘rock it up’ they miss the sensations of an opera. So The East Village Opera Company, in my own humble opinion was nothing special and fell a bit short of expectation. The light show was pretty remarkable though

Jack Johnson

Has just cured my annoyance from English. The question is still posed though.

English Majors...

So today in my English Lit class we were discussing poetry, which ya know, I think is pretty good. I like poetry, I like reading poems, writing them, and even singing them. Today, however, was like a suicide bombing of opinionated english buffs. The poem was "The Last Duchess" and the entire class consisted of about three girls arguing about how they perceived this poem. And they would not even budge or give any credit to the other persons opinion. The only way we could really know who the Duke was or if he killed the last duchess would be if we brought Robert Browning back from the dead and asked him. But these three girls felt that they knew better. I was a bit annoyed, and curious to know if I am that opininated. This of course led me to more self-reflective activity and thought that I would ask the general public. Am I as opinionated as these girls? I thought that because they are English Majors, or I assume they are, and if they're not they are super into English, and I'm an English Major. So do I follow this little trend of opinionated English buffs? I am genuinely asking this question and I would like to know what you think :)

Love comes from even the tiniest places

So, I'm sitting here at my sisters house babysitting her kids. Her three amazing, beautiful kids. My newest nephew, Lucas, holds an extremely special place in my heart. Looking into this precious four month old, steel-blue not-sure-what-color-they're-going-to-be-yet eyes my heart melts. I know its been said a hundred thousand times, but my heart just melts for this little piece of Heaven. There is no other way to describe these little spirits. I love them so much. A babies smile is worth the strongest kind of love, and they give it freely. As his eyes slowly shut I know that Heaven could not be closer than this little boy. We are all blessed with these beautiful beings and should all cherish them deeply.

Life is sticky life's a mess sometimes a curse sometimes a blessing

Oh wow... this has been a most interesting couple of weeks to say the least. I don't think I've ever done more pondering and just deep thinking than I have in the past three weeks. These past weeks have been the best of the worst as I come to label them.

Life is an interesting turn of events. It doesn't just have interesting turns of events, life IS an interesting turn of events. I would go into great detail, but then I might as well put my journal on here, but I dont think I seriously want to do that. But I will share what I have come to conclude.

In life, you will know when you are in the right place and the right time doing the right things, and let me tell you now- that is the most amazing feeling in life. I know I'm where I am for all the right reasons, I cant say that it lasted very long, but even for just a moment it is an amazing feeling.

Another thing that I've learned is that it is good to be compassionate and loving; however, it is bad to put someone elses happiness above your own for extended periods of time- especially if you are not receiving compassion and love in return.

With this discovery I've found that doing things that make you happy are the best. Even silly things. Singing at the top of your lungs out the window of the top floor of your apartment, throwing water out the window of the top floor of the apartment onto your roommate, and laughing so hard you cry are some things I would suggest :) Being happy is essential, and its a hard thing.

I have a new found respect for those people that you know that are consistantly happy, the ones that bug you cause they're so happy all the time, you know? Its incredibly difficult to be happy, it really is a fight! I've decided recently to fight for my happiness. That happiness that comes through the silly things in life, the beautiful things in life and above all else the sacred things of life. These are the things that can bring you happiness. To have your happiness depend on just one thing, or more specifically one mortal person is so dangerous and will ultimately lead to unhappiness. Make happiness of everything. Ok, I'll end this paragraph before I just start gushing (or continue gushing...)

These are the kind of conclusions I have come to in the past weeks. Nothing extremely ground breaking for the world as a whole, but in my own small world it has meant a lot.

However, even with these lovely discoveries, I am still performing open heart surgery on myself. Cracking my ribs and sifting around my heart to make the pain subside.